Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
