I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
wanna go halves on a baby?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My balls are so social today.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Randomize
