My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize