I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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