rhymes with "ouble enetration"
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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