Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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