im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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