Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I think my vagina is haunted
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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