your parents love me but you hate me
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
