apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
