The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
