She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
