I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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