So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
