i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
