Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
