well I can't set my house on fire every night
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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