she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
