Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
