Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize