u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
