Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
What drink are we having for lunch?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
