Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize