Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
