I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
