Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
