Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
