on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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