My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
