Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
