I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
