then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
