..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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