I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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