I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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