john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
