Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
