I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
