You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
