someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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