I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
