guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize