Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
