he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Everything about him screamed your future.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
