I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
