i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
