My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
