i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
