I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
