overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
