New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
