I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
