Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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