Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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