I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
