I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
