Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
i now understand why vodka
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
