U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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