Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
