i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
