Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
