Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
