i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
