Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
