Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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