So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
