..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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