I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
