We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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