Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
