Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
