covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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