apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Randomize
