My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
