They should really pass out barf bags in church
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
